Articles
These articles explore some of the ideas that shape the way I think about therapy, addiction, recovery, shame and emotional wellbeing.
Some draw on psychological theory. Others draw on my own experience of recovery and more than a decade of working in addiction services.
Addiction & Recovery
Staying Safe in Early Recovery
Early recovery can leave us feeling exposed while we learn new ways of responding to difficult thoughts, feelings and situations. This article explores how asking for help, grounding, self-care, honesty, boundaries and recognising warning signs can help us create enough safety to remain engaged with recovery.
Wondering whether you've got a problem with alcohol, drugs or a compulsive behaviour? An honest look at why this question is so difficult to answer—and how to begin answering it for yourself.
I only use cocaine at weekends. Is it really a problem?
"I only use cocaine at weekends." It sounds reassuring, but does it actually tell you whether your cocaine use is a problem?
Compulsive Sexual Behaviour, Pornography & Hook-Ups
Many people feel trapped in patterns of pornography use, hook-ups or other sexual behaviours that no longer feel like a genuine choice. This article explores the difference between healthy sexuality and compulsion, why these behaviours often develop, and how therapy can help without judgement or shame.
I Keep Promising Myself This Weekend Will Be Different
You have the career, the friends and the life that looks fine from the outside. But every weekend tells a different story. An honest look at addiction and recovery for gay men.
Why Addiction Isn't Really About Drugs
Addiction isn't the problem—it's often an attempt to solve one. This article explores what addiction may really be trying to achieve.
What Recovery from Addiction Means to Me
A personal reflection on what recovery has come to mean to me after 28 years in recovery and more than a decade working in addiction services.
A personal reflection on how I continued working a 12-step programme after becoming an atheist, and why recovery doesn't have to belong to one way of believing.
How I Work the 12 Steps Without Believing in God
A personal exploration of how I understand and work the 12 steps today as an atheist, from powerlessness and inventory to prayer, meditation and finding peace.
Codependency & Relationships
Did Everybody Else Get a Handbook for Life?
Why does everyone else seem to know how to live? An exploration of shame, codependency and the roles we learn to play when acceptance feels conditional.
Why do some of us push people away, even when we want connection? This article explores how attachment, shame, codependency, addiction and other protective patterns can lead us to withdraw from the people we care about—and how those patterns can begin to change.
Feeling Lonely Even When You Have People in Your Life
You can have friends, a partner and an active social life yet still feel profoundly alone. This article explores the difference between company and emotional connection, why some relationships remain on the surface, and how therapy can help you begin relating differently.
Why We Repeat the Same Relationship Patterns
Have you ever wondered why you keep ending up in the same relationship, even though the people are different? This article explores how childhood experiences, shame, and codependency can shape the relationship patterns we unknowingly repeat—and how those patterns can begin to change.
Shame, Identity & Self-Worth
Healing Isn't About Becoming Someone Else
Many of us spend our lives trying to become acceptable. But what if healing isn't about becoming somebody new? Discover how the survival strategies we developed in childhood continue to shape our lives—and how therapy can help us find our way back to ourselves.
Many of Us Spend Years Believing There's Something Wrong With Us
How shame develops, how it shapes the way we see ourselves, and why there may never have been anything wrong with us in the first place.
What If Therapy Doesn't Feel Like It's Working?
Therapy does not always feel like progress. This article explores what it can mean when you begin holding back, feel misunderstood, want to leave or question whether the work is helping—and how to distinguish useful difficulty from therapy that has become unhelpful or harmful.
LGBTQ+ Life
Ageing as a Gay Man: Desire, Identity and Belonging
Ageing as a gay man can bring fears about desire, changing bodies, loneliness, care and who we are becoming. This article explores how shame, HIV and AIDS, youth-focused gay culture and the lives we did not live can shape growing older—and how we might begin creating a future that feels more honest, connected and our own.