Addiction & Recovery
So What Is Addiction?
As I see it — and as I’ve personally experienced it — addiction is the loss of control once we start using or engaging in a behaviour, combined with the inability to stay stopped on our own.
Whether it’s chems, alcohol, drugs, porn, sex, hook-ups, work, or other compulsive behaviours, we often find ourselves making promises we can’t keep:
“This time will be different.”
“I’ll just have one.”
“I’ll only use at weekends.”
And yet somehow we find ourselves back there again, often justifying why it happened, even as the consequences begin to pile up.
Over time, addiction can become a way of avoiding painful feelings, difficult realities, shame, loneliness, anxiety, or parts of ourselves we struggle to face.
So What Is Recovery?
Recovery, to me, is about far more than simply stopping.
It's about understanding why we kept reaching for the thing we were trying to quit, and gradually building a life where we don't need it in the same way.
Recovery often involves:
learning to tolerate difficult emotions
developing healthier coping strategies
building self-worth
grieving losses
setting boundaries
reconnecting with ourselves and others
learning how to feel safe without needing to escape
No two people’s recovery will look exactly the same. I work withgay, bi, queer and straight men, including trans men, and provide a trans-affirming, non-binary-inclusive space. While we may share common experiences, our individual histories, identities and relationships will also shape what recovery looks like for each of us.
Some people may find they can change their relationship with a substance or behaviour without complete abstinence. For others, abstinence may be the safest and most supportive path.
I will respect your choices and autonomy as we explore what recovery means for you, while also gently challenging denial where I believe it may be keeping you stuck.
Early Recovery
Early recovery can be an especially difficult place to be.
Often we’ve put down our old ways of coping, but haven’t yet developed new ones. Without support, this can leave people feeling emotionally exposed, overwhelmed, anxious, restless, numb, or unsure who they are without the addiction.
Early recovery often means learning how to:
get through a bad day without using
understand what keeps pulling you back
sit with difficult feelings without needing to escape them
build routines that support your recovery
begin believing you can rely on yourself again
And when you're ready, we can begin looking at what's been driving the addiction all along, whether that's shame, trauma, loneliness or feeling like you're never quite enough. Because until those things start to change, it's easy to keep reaching for the thing that helped you survive.
What Recovery Can Make Possible
Over time, many people find they stop thinking about using every waking minute. They begin trusting themselves again. Relationships become easier. They laugh more. They feel more like themselves. They can enjoy sex without needing to be high. Life stops revolving around getting through the day.
Additional Addiction & Recovery Support In London
For some people, weekly therapy sessions may feel enough to support recovery. For others, additional support may also be important.
Where appropriate, I may encourage you to explore:
Community drug and alcohol services
Group therapy
Rehab or more intensive treatment
Any decisions around support and recovery pathways will always remain your choice.
Further reading
If you'd like to explore these ideas further, you may also find these articles helpful:
