So What Is Addiction?

As I see it, and as I have personally experienced it, addiction is the loss of control once we start using (Chems, alcohol, sex, porn, drugs etc) combined with the inability to stay stopped on our own. We find ourselves saying “this time it will be different”, “this time I’ll just have one”, “I’ll only use at the weekends” etc etc, only to find ourselves breaking those promises and justifying why we did. And we keep on trying, even though the consequences are starting to pile up. And we use addictive processes to avoid facing reality.

So What Is Recovery?

Recovery, to me, is more than just stopping. It’s addressing the reasons why we’ve been using as a way of coping. It’s learning to face reality, grieving and growing up. And no two people’s recovery will look exactly the same. Some people may find they can put down their problematic substance or behaviour without the need for complete abstinence. For some, complete abstinence is likely the better route to go. I will respect your choices as you figure out what it is you need and want, but at the same time, I will gently challenge you if I feel there’s some denial.

Early recovery we find that we’ve put down our old ways of coping, but we’ve not yet learned new ways to cope, and that can be a real hard place to be in. And so our work would involve in finding newer, healthier ways of coping to help you establish and maintain a sense of safety and avoid relapsing back in to old ways.

And once you’ve found a sense of safety, we can begin working on some of the deeper issues that I’ve always found at the core of addiction - shame and low self-worth.

It may be that you find our weekly sessions are enough to “hold” you in your recovery. If it’s not, I’ll encourage you to seek out other support, perhaps from your local drug/alcohol service, from London Friend/Antidote, or from mutual aid groups such as SMART Recovery and the 12-Step Fellowships. And if you’re really struggling, maybe there’s a need to look in to more intensive treatment and a stay in rehab. All of this, of course, will be your choice.