12-Step Recovery Without God
I Didn't Become Sober as an Atheist
I didn’t grow up in a particularly religious home. My parents went to church and I went to Sunday School, but I think it was more because it was the “done thing” than because they had any strong religious beliefs.
As a queer teenager, I wanted no part of religion.
I don’t recall having a strong sense of the “God stuff” in 12-step before I went to my first meeting, but it wasn’t something I struggled with in those early days and years. The people and meetings I found were what I would call liberal. There was no dogma, and nobody was trying to shove their beliefs down my throat. Instead, I was invited to find my own concept of “God”. And so I did.
For the first several years, I believed in a benign creator. One who offered unconditional love, even to a gay guy. One who cared for me and would keep me safe. And for many years, that worked. Until it didn’t.
At around 16 years abstinent, I began questioning my beliefs. Over time, I realised I no longer believed. I’d become an atheist, and I was going to have to approach the steps differently.
I Had to Reinterpret the Programme
It hasn’t been an easy journey, though. I’ve wrestled with things.Wrestled over whether 12-step was still right for me. Over how I’d work the steps now that I didn’t believe in God. I’m grateful, though, that the sponsor and friends I had at the time gave me space to question, to search…and to find.
To find my own understanding. An understanding that continues to evolve.
Today, I don’t have a ‘Higher Power’. Instead, I see and experience all kinds of different powers that I can lean on and tap into for support. Friends, family, my therapist, my supervisor, doctors and healthcare staff. And more.
Together, they provide me with a support network. Something to lean on when times get hard. Something to belong to. To feel anchored by.
There’s still room for me in 12-step.
Recovery Doesn't Belong to One Way of Believing
I won’t lie, sometimes I feel like a heretic for saying I don’t have a ‘Higher Power’ (capital H, capital P). But I always come back to tradition 3 - “the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking/using/etc.” I’m a member when I say I am. Nobody gets to vote me out because my beliefs don’t “fit”.
There are members who may vehemently disagree with me. Think I’m wrong. And that’s okay. I don’t need their approval or permission. I get to do the programme my way.
And I’ve met like-minded fellows. And plenty of fellows who respect my autonomy, as I do theirs. My experience is that there isn’t one single “right” way of doing 12-step. We all do things a little, or a lot, differently. And that, for me, is the beauty of it. We get to take what we want and leave the rest.
So, if you're someone who's been put off 12-step because you don't believe in God, I hope you know there's more than one way to understand it.
Written by Dan Lee
Therapist working with men and LGBTQ+ clients around addiction, shame, codependency and identity.
About Dan