LGBTQ+ & Men’s Therapy
Feeling Like You Have to Hide Parts of Yourself?
Perhaps you've become the person who copes on your own, keeps things bottled up, and rarely lets anyone see what's really going on. Maybe you've spent years trying to fit in, wondering what other people think of you, or feeling as though you'll never quite measure up.
Shame, Identity & Belonging
If you're LGBTQ+, like me, you may have spent years hearing, directly or indirectly, that who you are is wrong, shameful, sinful, or somehow less than other people. Even when we reject those messages intellectually, they can still leave a mark. Over time, they can become a part of how we see ourselves, making it difficult to feel truly accepted, lovable, or enough.
You might find yourself worrying what other people think of you, struggling to believe compliments, feeling like you have to earn your place, or never quite feeling as though you belong. Shame can also show up as anxiety, loneliness, perfectionism, people-pleasing, difficulty with intimacy, or feeling disconnected from yourself and the people around you.
I've written more about how shame develops, and why so many of us grow up believing there's something wrong with us, in my article Many of Us Spend Years Believing There's Something Wrong With Us.
The Pressures Facing Men Today
Many of us grow up believing we have to cope on our own. That showing emotion, asking for help, or admitting we're struggling somehow makes us weak. Over time, it can become easier to hide behind independence than risk letting someone see what's really going on.
When we're feeling lonely, rejected, or unsure of who we are, online spaces such as the "manosphere" can seem to offer confidence, belonging, or simple answers. But they often reinforce shame, emotional isolation, and rigid ideas about what it means to be a man, making it even harder to build close, authentic relationships.
When Coping Strategies Start Causing Harm
Drugs, alcohol, hook-ups, chemsex, porn, work, exercise, or constantly keeping ourselves busy can numb painful feelings, quiet self-doubt, or help us escape feeling uncomfortable in our own skin. At first, these things can seem to work.
But over time, what once felt like relief can start feeling like something we can't do without. I've explored this in more depth in my article, Why Addiction Isn't Really About Drugs.
A Space Where You Don't Have to Perform, Hide or Pretend
Therapy can offer a space where you don’t need to perform, hide, or pretend to have it all together.
A space where you can begin to better understand yourself, your relationships, your coping strategies, and the ways your past may still be shaping your present.
My approach is warm, relational, non-judgemental, and collaborative. Alongside professional training and experience, I also bring lived experience of being a man, of recovery, queer identity, and navigating aspects of shame and marginalisation within LGBTQ+ communities.
Together, we can begin exploring what life might look like beyond simply surviving. Over time, you may find yourself becoming more comfortable in your own skin, feeling more connected to yourself and others, and building the kinds of relationships and life you genuinely want.
