Addiction & Recovery
So What Is Addiction?
As I see it — and as I’ve personally experienced it — addiction is the loss of control once we start using or engaging in a behaviour, combined with the inability to stay stopped on our own.
Whether it’s chems, alcohol, drugs, porn, sex, hook-ups, work, or other compulsive behaviours, we often find ourselves making promises we can’t keep:
“This time will be different.”
“I’ll just have one.”
“I’ll only use at weekends.”
And yet somehow we find ourselves back there again, often justifying why it happened, even as the consequences begin to pile up.
Over time, addiction can become a way of avoiding painful feelings, difficult realities, shame, loneliness, anxiety, or parts of ourselves we struggle to face.
If you’re struggling with chems, read more about how I work with chemsex & recovery.
So What Is Recovery?
Recovery, to me, is about far more than simply stopping.
It’s about beginning to understand why we’ve needed these coping mechanisms in the first place, and learning healthier ways of relating to ourselves, our feelings, and other people - many people discover that addiction is closely connected to patterns of codependency and seeking validation from others.
Recovery often involves:
learning to tolerate difficult emotions
developing healthier coping strategies
building self-worth
grieving losses
setting boundaries
reconnecting with ourselves and others
learning how to feel safe without needing to escape
No two people’s recovery will look exactly the same. I work with gay, bi, queer and straight men, including trans men, and provide a trans-affirming, non-binary-inclusive space. While we may share common experiences, our individual histories, identities and relationships will also shape what recovery looks like for each of us.
Some people may find they can change their relationship with a substance or behaviour without complete abstinence. For others, abstinence may be the safest and most supportive path.
I will respect your choices and autonomy as we explore what recovery means for you, while also gently challenging denial where I believe it may be keeping you stuck.
Early Recovery
Early recovery can be an especially difficult place to be.
Often we’ve put down our old ways of coping, but haven’t yet developed new ones. Without support, this can leave people feeling emotionally exposed, overwhelmed, anxious, restless, numb, or unsure who they are without the addiction.
Part of our work together may involve helping you:
build emotional resilience
establish healthier routines and support systems
better understand triggers and compulsive patterns
develop safer ways of coping
create a stronger sense of internal stability and safety
And once a greater sense of safety has been established, we can begin exploring some of the deeper issues that so often sit beneath addiction — particularly shame, trauma, loneliness, and low self-worth. You can read more about both how I work with codependency and also how shame can keep us stuck and how therapy can help.
Additional Addiction & Recovery Support In London
For some people, weekly therapy sessions may feel enough to support recovery. For others, additional support may also be important.
Where appropriate, I may encourage you to explore:
Community drug and alcohol services
Group therapy
Rehab or more intensive treatment
Any decisions around support and recovery pathways will always remain your choice.
Further reading
If you'd like to explore these ideas further, you may also find these articles helpful:
